Christmas is over, I'm not talking about Santa, I'm talking about you (although it still does involve presents). The guest list is quite possibly the first major obstacle you will face in the wedding planning process, but it is a critical step and one that needs to be taken seriously.
The importance of the guest list is three-fold. 1) These are the people you will be spending your wedding day with. 2) The size of this list determines when and where your day will be. And last but certainly not least, 3) These are the people buying you presents! Now, that last one is partially selfish, but also has a bit of practicality that I will explain when we get there.
First, you want to make sure that you don't leave anyone out. This is why you want to make your list in steps, and review/revise it at least 3 times if not 13. There are a five major groups you need to consider when planning your list:
1. Your friends
2. Her friends
3. Your family
4. Her family
5. Your "joint-custody" friends
The way we found to make this much easier was a peer-review system. I made a list of 1 and 3, her 2 and 4, and we brainstormed number 5. We then compiled our lists to one master list in a notebook. We looked at it a couple times, struck some names out, added some more in, etc. I took it a step farther and created an Excel spreadsheet. It totals the guest list (so you don't have to repeatedly count 150+ names) and allows you to group your guests to make seating arrangements easier when you have a venue locked down. I went so far as to color code them, but that's not necessarily necessary.
The total number of guests will be a deciding factor in when and where your wedding will be. You may have a lovely place in mind, but can it fit everyone you want to be there? Maybe you found a great, cheap hall but you've only got enough people to fill one corner of it. Your guest list will weed out a lot of potential venues. Once you find a place to accommodate everyone, then you can find out if they've got a spot on your day. I believe it was a movie where I heard, "You don't pick the date, you pick the venue and the venue picks the date." If you have a solid idea of how many people are going to be there, you can lock down a hall much earlier and probably cheaper (Lesson: Booking early saves money. A lot of places would rather have a guaranteed $1,000 now than a chance at possibly-maybe getting $2,000 down the road).
And presents! I told you there was a practical component and that component is the registry. This takes time. My fiance and I spent nearly 4 hours at one store (although, I think we covered bed, bath, AND beyond) creating one registry. This is in part because the scan gun is a lot of fun and you can literally scan anything in the store. The other reason is that our guest list is right around 150 people. Even if you break it down into pairs or families, that's roughly 75 gifts. If you only register for 75 gifts, the chances you'll get the same thing at least once is very high (especially if its a less expensive gift). The economy still sucks and people don't have a ton of disposable income. We registered for somewhere in the neighborhood of 400 items. We tried to keep almost half of them to under $30. This way, people can still find inexpensive wedding gifts and we can still get more of what we wanted rather than getting a trip back to the store to exchange things (After all, after the honeymoon, do you really want to worry about exchanging presents?). I also want to note, that was one store. We're not being greedy, but registering for a lot of stuff at multiple stores makes it easier for those buying the gifts. More choice, more locations, more financial maneuverability.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is, take a lot of care on the guest list. If you get it done early and correctly, several other obstacles get suddenly easier.
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Thursday, January 6, 2011
A cushion does not a pillow make...
... and this is why we sleep on beds and not couches. I learned this very important lesson only a few nights ago.
One advantage to writing a blog is that anyone and everyone can read it. The down side? Anyone and everyone can read it. This really only becomes a problem when it is used against you in a debate. It is especially bad if that debate is more a fight, and anyone is more your fiance. Hence my problem the other night.
Without bogging you down with details or airing my laundry on the internet, suffice it to say I was wrong (Lesson: Even if you don't think you are wrong, you probably are). I discovered that while attempting to be helpful and give her "one less thing to worry about" during this stressful and exhausting time, I neglected all of the other things she worries about. DON'T DO THIS! It can be easy to forget that between now and then, there are a great many days in between. Days full of bills, dishes, pets, jobs, errands, and all of those other things that don't stop just because you're busy. You have to remember, you're not only planning your wedding day together, you're planning the rest of your lives. While it may not be as fun to sit on the phone for 3 hours arguing with the insurance lady or cleaning the kitchen or (insert task of ire here), all of these things need to get done.
My biggest obstacle is a mixture of natural slacker tendencies mixed with a poor memory (especially when it comes to things like cleaning). This is a volatile combination that can and will land you on the couch. However, as I'm writing this, it should be obvious that the engagement survived (After all, look at what blog you're reading) and I must give credit where credit is due: Thank you, notepad. It seems stupid but writing myself a note, or more of a to-do list, has helped me exponentially. A self-written note is beneficial for two main reasons. You can write the tasks in your own order to make the day not seem as daunting. Also, I don't do that well taking orders. Writing your own note, while the tasks on it may not all be your ideas, makes your list less marching orders, more goals for the day. And now, my list includes the goal of not using cushions as pillows anymore.
One advantage to writing a blog is that anyone and everyone can read it. The down side? Anyone and everyone can read it. This really only becomes a problem when it is used against you in a debate. It is especially bad if that debate is more a fight, and anyone is more your fiance. Hence my problem the other night.
Without bogging you down with details or airing my laundry on the internet, suffice it to say I was wrong (Lesson: Even if you don't think you are wrong, you probably are). I discovered that while attempting to be helpful and give her "one less thing to worry about" during this stressful and exhausting time, I neglected all of the other things she worries about. DON'T DO THIS! It can be easy to forget that between now and then, there are a great many days in between. Days full of bills, dishes, pets, jobs, errands, and all of those other things that don't stop just because you're busy. You have to remember, you're not only planning your wedding day together, you're planning the rest of your lives. While it may not be as fun to sit on the phone for 3 hours arguing with the insurance lady or cleaning the kitchen or (insert task of ire here), all of these things need to get done.
My biggest obstacle is a mixture of natural slacker tendencies mixed with a poor memory (especially when it comes to things like cleaning). This is a volatile combination that can and will land you on the couch. However, as I'm writing this, it should be obvious that the engagement survived (After all, look at what blog you're reading) and I must give credit where credit is due: Thank you, notepad. It seems stupid but writing myself a note, or more of a to-do list, has helped me exponentially. A self-written note is beneficial for two main reasons. You can write the tasks in your own order to make the day not seem as daunting. Also, I don't do that well taking orders. Writing your own note, while the tasks on it may not all be your ideas, makes your list less marching orders, more goals for the day. And now, my list includes the goal of not using cushions as pillows anymore.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Be involved in the planning or forever hold your peace...
Hey everyone-
So the first major decision I made after the proposal was this: I'm going to be involved and help with the entire process. Now, before you click away in disgust, please at least take a look at my rationale.
First of all, do you want to be wearing a pink tuxedo as your bride-to-be strolls down the aisle to Justin Bieber music? NO! The best way to ensure that her day won't make you feel/look/act/be stupid is to make it "Our Day." If you plan nothing, assist with nothing, and just basically do nothing, several problems will arise. 1. She may think, "Is this how it is going to be forever?" 2. She may think, "He doesn't care if we invite all of my salon girls and none of his buddies." 3. She will go insane and possibly call it off or kill you.
Insane? Yes. Yes. Yes. Most of the bridal magazines on the news stands are going to tell her that she's already behind in planning. These same publications are going to give you lists and ideas and more lists and more ideas to plan your dream wedding. Planning a wedding leads to information overload very quickly. That's not even touching on the actual amount of planning, scheduling, and accounting that has to be done. Did I mention the politics of planning a wedding (guests, location, ceremony, family involvement)? That's another few posts all together.
More importantly than the selfish logic, there is also the notion of fairness and partnership. Isn't that what you're signing up for? (If not, see "Introduction, Lesson #1") If you truly love this girl, why stand back and let the metric shit-load of work all fall on her shoulders? Help her. Be there for her. Skip the first half of the football game to go register for gifts (If you're a Green Bay Packer fan like me, the first half doesn't usually matter either way). DVR your favorite show and make a guest list. Put in some legitimate effort and this whole process can go much more smoothly. Don't worry, I don't mean you have to pick doily arrangements on Super Bowl Sunday, but you may want to put her first right from the get-go. It seems to be much easier that way.
So the first major decision I made after the proposal was this: I'm going to be involved and help with the entire process. Now, before you click away in disgust, please at least take a look at my rationale.
First of all, do you want to be wearing a pink tuxedo as your bride-to-be strolls down the aisle to Justin Bieber music? NO! The best way to ensure that her day won't make you feel/look/act/be stupid is to make it "Our Day." If you plan nothing, assist with nothing, and just basically do nothing, several problems will arise. 1. She may think, "Is this how it is going to be forever?" 2. She may think, "He doesn't care if we invite all of my salon girls and none of his buddies." 3. She will go insane and possibly call it off or kill you.
Insane? Yes. Yes. Yes. Most of the bridal magazines on the news stands are going to tell her that she's already behind in planning. These same publications are going to give you lists and ideas and more lists and more ideas to plan your dream wedding. Planning a wedding leads to information overload very quickly. That's not even touching on the actual amount of planning, scheduling, and accounting that has to be done. Did I mention the politics of planning a wedding (guests, location, ceremony, family involvement)? That's another few posts all together.
More importantly than the selfish logic, there is also the notion of fairness and partnership. Isn't that what you're signing up for? (If not, see "Introduction, Lesson #1") If you truly love this girl, why stand back and let the metric shit-load of work all fall on her shoulders? Help her. Be there for her. Skip the first half of the football game to go register for gifts (If you're a Green Bay Packer fan like me, the first half doesn't usually matter either way). DVR your favorite show and make a guest list. Put in some legitimate effort and this whole process can go much more smoothly. Don't worry, I don't mean you have to pick doily arrangements on Super Bowl Sunday, but you may want to put her first right from the get-go. It seems to be much easier that way.
Introduction
Hello world-
My name is Ricky and I've been engaged for just over a week. My fiance is the love of my life and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with her. (Lesson #1: If you are engaged and cannot say the same thing without having to think about it, GET OUT NOW! You are definitely not ready to go through this process.) We met during college and now are a couple of recent grads trying to survive this shitty economy. That includes trying to put together a wedding on a strict budget.
The purpose of this blog is to help other guys (or ladies) make it through the engagement with flying colors. Along the way I'll share some tips, advice, stories, and cautions as I encounter them myself. Weddings are a big deal, especially if you only plan on having one, and it is your job as her husband-to-be to make sure she gets the dream wedding she has wanted since she was a little girl (while still getting your points in).
Thanks for taking some time to check out the blog and I hope you find the answers that you're looking for!
-Ricky
My name is Ricky and I've been engaged for just over a week. My fiance is the love of my life and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with her. (Lesson #1: If you are engaged and cannot say the same thing without having to think about it, GET OUT NOW! You are definitely not ready to go through this process.) We met during college and now are a couple of recent grads trying to survive this shitty economy. That includes trying to put together a wedding on a strict budget.
The purpose of this blog is to help other guys (or ladies) make it through the engagement with flying colors. Along the way I'll share some tips, advice, stories, and cautions as I encounter them myself. Weddings are a big deal, especially if you only plan on having one, and it is your job as her husband-to-be to make sure she gets the dream wedding she has wanted since she was a little girl (while still getting your points in).
Thanks for taking some time to check out the blog and I hope you find the answers that you're looking for!
-Ricky
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